I just signed my 4-year-old up for preschool… and I’m freaking out.
Normal human emotion, I know.
As I drove him to the preschool to drop of his registration papers I started singing a song about how he wasn’t old enough and how I need to shrink him back down.
I looked in the rearview mirror and there my innocent (mostly) sweet boy was sitting with a huge grin, kicking his legs back and forth saying “shhhh… shhhhhh.” It was his way of telling me to stop the song because Duh, he’s a big boy now.
I’m not upset that he’ll be away during the day. It’s only about 7 hours a week (and I’ll be at work).
It’s that I only have one. more. year. until he’s in kindergarten.
I feel like it’s race against time to teach him everything he needs to know.
Does he know how to have, keep and deal with friends?
Is he too bossy?
Will he say no to the peanuts he’s allergic to at school?
Did I teach him to listen to others?
To stand by his beliefs?
Ah! I haven’t even told him not to smoke cigarettes! What – too dramatic? Too early?
Does he know who he is?
Does he feel comfortable in his own skin?
Can he use his words instead of throw a temper tantrum?
If he starts having an allergic reaction, will he tell his teacher?
Is he creative enough?
Did I give him room to discover the world?
Did I set up enough playdates?
Oh my gosh – he’s never even taken a swim class!
Not to mention the pure panic attack I’m having at the thought of not spending enough time with him.
Was I present for the past four years?
Was I too concerned with teaching him that I forgot to enjoy him?
Did I give up too much time with him for work?
Did I set up a relationship in which he can tell me anything – and knows he can?
Does he know I love him?
Okay, he knows I love him.
But overall, this train of thought has been a tough one for me. Yes, I know – many of my questions will be answered in the next 14 years (oh gosh – only 14 years!).
See, that’s where I really start to lose it. I imagine I’ll have this same kind of thought process when he’s starting his senior year in high school.
Will I feel like I gave him enough? Will I feel like I was there enough? Did I give up too much time with him to work? Will I have set him up for the most success?
The answers have to be yes.
This first four years have taught me a thing or two about what I need to be doing, changes I need to make and PRIORITIES.
For me, in this season of life – my priority is my kids. It has to be. I chose to be their mother. I chose to bring them into this world. I have an obligation to show them how to succeed, an obligation to at least try.
And hey – I have 14 years (nope, saying it again doesn’t make it seem long enough!)
Thanks for listening to my worry rant.